When Joanne Perella moved her mother into an assisted living facility, she believed she was doing what was necessary to keep her safe. Her mother, Rose Perella, saw things differently. On her first night, Rose called her daughter about 35 times. The following day, she walked out of the building and made it about two blocks down the street before staff realized she was missing. Perella was called and went to bring her back.

The incident captured a dilemma Perella had struggled with for some time: How do you protect someone you love when that person doesn’t believe she needs protecting?

Years later, the experience would inspire her novel, “Vanishing Act,” a fictional story that imagines a different outcome for a woman determined to reclaim her independence. Behind the book, however, is a personal story of a daughter navigating her mother’s dementia, the guilt of difficult caregiving decisions and the memories that helped them stay connected.

Watching the changes

Before dementia, Rose had been the heart of a large Italian family. She loved cooking elaborate meals, hosting gatherings and sewing clothes for her children. “She was vibrant. She was very friendly. She was a lovely woman,” Perella said.

After her husband died, Rose lived independently for about a decade. But as Rose reached her early eighties, Perella began noticing changes. Her mother repeated herself, neglected household chores and stopped preparing meals. Although her refrigerator remained full, much of the food went uneaten. Rose, who had always taken pride in her appearance, stopped wearing her favorite earrings and keeping up with her usual routines.

More troubling were the falls. On one occasion, Perella found her mother with two black eyes after falling on the sidewalk. Then Rose totaled her car. Although she wasn’t seriously injured, Perella knew she could no longer drive. She took away the keys and began searching for assisted living options.

Her mother resisted every suggestion that she needed help. “She just kept saying, there’s nothing wrong with me. I can live alone. I’m fine,” Perella recalled. Perella considered moving into her mother’s house, but Rose refused. With the stairs becoming increasingly dangerous and her siblings unable to take her in, Perella made the decision she believed was safest.

“I suffered terrible guilt about even putting her in.”

Holding on to memories

Rose spent about six years in assisted living before dying in 2016 from congestive heart failure. Throughout those years, Perella visited regularly, finding that although her mother struggled with recent memories, she could still recall much of her earlier life.

Their conversations often returned to Christmas celebrations, family parties and the Italian dishes Rose had once prepared. Perella would ask how to make stuffed artichokes, and her mother could still recite the recipe. “She remembered how to cook. She remembered the ingredients,” Perella said.

They laughed about Perella’s father, who loved recording family gatherings with his video camera and tape recorder. Rose also continued recognizing her children and other relatives, something Perella remained grateful for.

Those visits offered comfort amid the uncertainty, allowing mother and daughter to reconnect through the familiar stories and traditions that dementia had not taken away.

Rewriting the ending

Perella had always turned to writing during difficult periods in her life. She had filled hundreds of essays with reflections on divorce, loss, retirement and other personal experiences. When her mother’s dementia began affecting their lives, she started writing about it, too.

Over time, her reflections became questions about what might have happened differently. What if Rose had escaped? What if she had regained her independence and found happiness somewhere new?

Those questions became the foundation of “Vanishing Act.” In the novel, Angie, a character inspired by Rose, initially shows signs of dementia but later becomes healthier and leaves assisted living. Her journey takes her across the country, where she has an opportunity to reconnect with someone from her past and begin a new chapter.

Many of the characters were inspired by real people. Nicky was based on a man who had been Perella’s father’s best man and lived in California. Ben, who helps Angie during her journey, was inspired by an Amtrak dispatcher who lived in Rose’s building. Angie was named after Perella’s aunt, who shared stories about Rose’s younger years.

“I wanted the book to be different than what actually happened in real life,” Perella said.

The novel also explores the complicated relationship between mother and daughter, including regret, understanding and redemption. “As Angie travels, she reflects on her past and the things she wishes she had done differently. Imagining that second chance became a way to process my own experience,” says Perella.

Finding comfort in the story

Although “Vanishing Act” is fiction, the emotions behind it may resonate with families caring for aging loved ones. There is the guilt of making decisions a parent doesn’t agree with, the sadness of watching someone change, and the difficulty of knowing whether you’re doing enough.

Perella hopes her story reminds caregivers that even when circumstances cannot be changed, there are still ways to connect. For her, that meant visiting, reminiscing and showing her mother that she wasn’t alone.

“Just show a lot of love,” she said. “That’s what I did with my mother. I just tried to be there for her.”

Writing “Vanishing Act” ultimately helped Perella find peace with the choices she made. Rose never experienced the adventure her daughter imagined, but through fiction, Perella gave her another chance at independence, love and a new beginning.