Words of love and hope — all in Nate’s memory

PORTSMOUTH — During a difficult transition to eighth grade more than four years ago, Hailey Pratt said she struggled with making friends. Her confidence waned, and she couldn’t figure out where she belonged in the world. On top of all that, she was being bullied, and felt that everything she did was being judged. 

Things got so bad, her thoughts drifted to suicide.

“I remember distinctly being in my house one night,” said Hailey, speaking to hundreds of attendees at the second annual Be Great for Nate Gala held at Ochre Court in Newport on Aug. 20. “I was sitting on my bathroom floor, contemplating it all. I wrote out letters to my parents, and my brother, explaining to them why I would be doing this — why I would be leaving everything behind.”

Fortunately, she didn’t go through with it. 

“Something got into my head and told me, ‘You have a purpose. You belong here. You’re supposed to be here. Your story isn’t over,’” she said.

But things became even more daunting when she entered high school. “I was carrying all this on my shoulders and no one knew about it,” Hailey said. “I told no one. I was dealing with this all on my own and I had nowhere to go. I started to lose sight of my passion. I was a gymnast and a dancer, and I quit both those sports. My grades started to slip and I was struggling in school.”

Shortly after, she learned about Nathan Bruno, a 15-year-old PHS student who died by suicide in 2018. “This made me feel I wasn’t alone — that I wasn’t the only one going through something like this, or dealing with the thoughts of suicide,” she said.

Hailey found out about Every Student Initiative (ESI), the first program of Be Great for Nate (BG4N), a nonprofit that Nathan’s father, Rick Bruno, launched after his son’s death. She decided to join, she said, “because I wanted to be a part of something. I wanted to share my story and let people know it’s OK not to be OK.”

At first, she was hesitant to share her own journey with other ESI members, but their transparency and openness soon wore down her defenses. She began telling her story not just to ESI members but her entire class, the grades below her, parents, and others. 

“I learned that you need to speak up. You need to tell someone when something’s wrong. You’re not alone in the fight that you’re dealing with,” said Hailey, a 2021 graduate of PHS who became president of ESI at the end of her junior year. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Be Great for Nate.”

There are more than 100 students in ESI, “and any of those kids will be open to hear your story,” said Hailey, who was set to leave the following day for the University of New England, where she’s studying social work and mental health rehabilitation. “I will always know that my story matters, and I matter.”

Hailey was honored with BG4N’s “Dawg Pound of the Year Award,” which goes to a graduating ESI member who put in hundreds of hours to help save lives. Her story was just one of several tales of heartbreak, love, and recovery that were shared with hundreds of attendees who poured into Ochre Court on a sweltering evening to raise money for BG4N. 

After dinner, the speeches, award presentations and a live auction, the program concluded with a ceremonial signing into law of the Nathan Bruno and Jason Flatt Act by Gov. Daniel McKee. The bill, which was sponsored by Rep. Terri Cortvriend and Sen. James A. Seveney of Portsmouth, requires all public school districts to adopt suicide prevention policies and train all personnel in suicide awareness and prevention annually.

‘Tsunami of grief’

The night began with Rick Bruno talking about the unbearable grief he experienced in the aftermath of Nathan’s death, and how he’s learned to cope with the support and love from friends and family.

He recently took a trip to São Miguel Island in the Azores, which reminded him of the quality time he spent traveling with Nathan, who loved the ocean and mountains. Before leaving the island, he dined at the home of a friend’s parents, and expressed his deep gratitude to them through a translator. He also talked about his love for Nathan, and was moved by the experience because having dinner with his son was one of their “greatest times of connection.”

The visit came at just the right time, Mr. Bruno told the crowd.“Before the trip I was hit by a tsunami of grief, based on some situations I was dealing with. One situation was taking Nathan’s room apart. It’s been over three years, Nathan, since you left us, and it seems like yesterday,” he said.

After losing Nathan, he found himself at a point where he could no longer stand the agony of waiting for his pain to disappear, he said. “I know all my life I would miss him, and I became acutely despondent. There is no way out of this, I thought,” Mr. Bruno said.

One thing he’s learned about grief, he said, is that while it involves great loss and pain, there is also unconditional love.

“That’s when the gentle idea began to change my life,” he said. “I began to understand I was living and working with a handicap; the loss would always be there, the pain and heartache would always be present. I could accept that and treat it as a handicap, and within that framework go ahead and live my life once more. The moment I made that decision, my attitude and perspective changed. I was able to go on, and able to move forward.”

Mr. Bruno urged others who have also experienced an irreparable loss to stop waiting for their handicap to disappear. “Instead, decide to live with it. Work around it. Treat yourself with care, with gentleness. Allow yourself to feel and experience all the limitations and emotions of your present situation. Accept them; let them be a part of you, part of your experience. Despite living with a handicap, go ahead and treat yourself to life.” 

Origins of BG4N/ESI

Mr. Bruno said within a week of Nathan’s death, he was sitting in a funeral home making arrangements when a man asked him about donations: To whom should they be made out?

“While it was a generous offer, I was a bit surprised and did not feel comfortable using anyone else’s money for anything personal,” he said. “So I said they can make it out to the Nathan Bruno Memorial Fund and I will use the money to help support the youth in our community somehow, and that maybe something could be learned from this.”

Right around that time, the phase “Be Great for Nate” was coined by one of Nathan’s close friends, “and it went on to be a mantra we would all use to support one another,” Mr. Bruno said.

In April 2018, more of Nathan’s friends were determined to make a difference in his memory and reached out to Steven Peterson, a manager at Schultzy’s Snack Shack, where Nathan and his buddies had worked. “They trusted Steven and asked for help and support. Soon, the Every Student Initiative was formed,” said Mr. Bruno. (Later in the evening, Mr. Peterson presented BG4N’s Community Champion Award to Deb Schultz, the restaurant’s owner.)

In June 2018, he approached Mr. Peterson with the idea of using the money from the memorial fun to create a nonprofit called Be Great for Nate. ESI would be the first program of BG4N, of which Mr. Peterson became executive director. “Our vision is to prevent suicide through education, awareness, and action,” Mr. Bruno said.

COVID did not slow those efforts down. During the pandemic, BG4N more than doubled the services it provides. “We have over 100 youth in our organization,” Mr. Bruno noted. “Suicide prevention training has been given to nearly 200 people and shows a nearly 300-percent  increase in suicide prevention skills, and 100-percent increase in confidence to save a life.” BG4N is also starting up an ESI program for middle school students, and is looking to create one in Newport as well, he said.

“We will continue to put the youth in the driver’s seat of the community and their future,” Mr. Bruno said.

Ken Burns crew

The Nathan Bruno Legacy Award was presented to Erik and Chris Ewers, the co-directors of the upcoming Ken Burns film in which several members of BG4N and ESI are profiled.

“Your work here will save lives,” said Erik Ewers, who quoted the words of several people featured in the film — most of whom happened to be in the room. 

“Kids aren’t told that they’re experts in anything, but they’re experts in their own experience,” Mr. Ewers said, quoting Mr. Peterson. “They’re experts in what their voice is, and what they want to say. Be the voice that Nathan no longer has. Speak with reckless abandon and say what you need to say.”

Governor signs bill

Gov. McKee concluded the program by thanking everyone for sharing their stories, and then ceremoniously signed the Nathan Bruno and Jason Flatt Act, which BG4N and ESI members had worked so hard to support.

“I came here to listen to you, and what you’ve taught me is inspiring,” Gov. McKee said. “There are 39 cities and towns in Rhode Island, and one thing I’ve learned from traveling to them all is, if something happens in one community, it happens in all our communities. I’m hoping you can bring your message statewide. I’d be happy to help make that happy.

“Let’s get this bill signed.”

For more information about Be Great for Nate and Every Student Initiative, visit bg4n.org.