To the editor:

The Town Council proudly announced its foray into its next lunatical fantasy. An anonymous source says the Committee on Divisiveness, Intolerance and Even-stevens (DIE) will cement its progressive vision for the town unless and until a majority of Q-ANNONER’s take over local government. The press release for participation by those interested male, female and other types of humans reads as follows:

For candidates who desire to serve on the committee, but are affiliated with the “R” party (this party has been cancelled and we cannot speak or write the name anymore). Good luck, but you’re too privileged to serve. Thanks for thinking about it though. Please note that there are still 3 openings on the Cemetery Commission if you wish to serve the dead.

Candidates who might be allowed to serve on the committee must show proof of at least 3 or more gender pronoun preferences and should be able to name, on demand, at least half of them and show proof of disaffiliation with the R party. Libertarians or independents will be considered if you’ve had lunch with Sheldon Whitehouse at Bailey’s Beach Club or believe the insurrection was really an insurrection.

Candidates who are most likely to be chosen will have demonstrated proof that they’ve voted Socialist for at least twenty years, believe Barrington will be underwater in ten years, hope AOC will be Vice President sooner than Kamala is President and have a very high level of melanin. Further, successful candidates must appreciate that inclusion means that the 99% of Barrington residents that are Caucasites will some how in this lifetime self-identify as Native Americans. Special consideration will be given to candidates that have tipped or other wise defaced statues of Lincoln or Washington.

If any candidate is found lacking in love and compassion or holds an extraordinarily non-progressive view of history they will be immediately disqualified. If a candidate is found to have regularly attended church, synagogue or mosque, has read the bible for more than three minutes or believes BLM stands for Biden Loves Melania, they will be referred to the Council’s Panel of Inquisition for further evaluation and possible discipline.

Thank you to all of our comrades who consider serving on this important committee. Peace, love and hugs to all!

Scott Fuller

Barrington