Letter: White fragility is white supremacy in disguise

Posted 11/1/20

To the editor:

Yesterday, I was talking with someone who I deeply respect about the current political situation and the upcoming election. She is black and a leader in the community, and we were …

This item is available in full to subscribers.

Please log in to continue

Log in

Register to post events


If you'd like to post an event to our calendar, you can create a free account by clicking here.

Note that free accounts do not have access to our subscriber-only content.

Day pass subscribers

Are you a day pass subscriber who needs to log in? Click here to continue.


Letter: White fragility is white supremacy in disguise

Posted

To the editor:

Yesterday, I was talking with someone who I deeply respect about the current political situation and the upcoming election. She is black and a leader in the community, and we were chatting away, connecting and it felt so good. I asked her opinion about something and she responded "Yeah, well, that's not really the issue, you know?"

I was confused and speechless, so she added "It's a different fight for me, right? You see that." And suddenly I saw what she meant and I felt horrible.

One minute we were in solidarity, fighting the same fight, and the next minute, there I stood, completely alone in my whiteness. I felt stupid and out of touch, and my ignorance was on display for all to see. We were in a group where I was the minority but where I feel comfortable-ish, and then all of a sudden, I felt like a complete outsider. I was embarrassed and I felt ashamed. Afterwards, I drove around feeling like a complete idiot. I wanted to go back and tell her "I understand. I'm sorry that I was so clueless, but I understand now. Thank you." Then I remembered that it's not her job to make me feel better. In fact, it's not her job to teach me anything. Sharing her perspective with me was a gift and I should not ask for more.

We, as white allies, often make mistakes, feel ashamed, and are tempted to quit to save face. We have this option because of our white privilege. Let's be honest, if you're white, in your 50's, living in the suburbs, the struggle for equality doesn't personally affect you. If you just sit back, stay comfortable, and step away from the front lines, your rights and liberties won't be in jeopardy. That's my truth at least. I have this dubious luxury simply because I am white.

So, what to do when the going gets rough, emotionally? What happens when people, white, black, indigenous, give me a hard time and don't behave as I think they should? What if they don't praise me for all of my hard work; or maybe they call me out on my ignorance? What if they suggest, or directly state, that I don't actually know as much as I think I know or that my actions or words offend them? What if they shame me in public? What if?

If that happens, and it does, I remind myself that perhaps I'm being granted a tiny glimpse into what it's like to be "other", to be misunderstood or stereotyped. I also remember that I am being given the gift of greater self-awareness which helps me to understand how I have absorbed and perpetuate white supremacy in spite of my "good intentions". I remember that my friends in the BIPOC community stress that it's not the intent that matters, it's the effect that does. And so, I keep trying. I admit my mistakes and keep moving. I seek feedback from trusted mentors and follow in the steps of those who have come before me. White fragility is white supremacy in disguise and I must continue to do the work to overcome mine.

John Lewis said "Persist". This is deep work and there's no finish line, only the constant striving for increased awareness and thoughtful action. In order to be of service, I need to remain open, honest, and humble. This requires that I continue to engage in difficult self-appraisal and anti-racism training. This requires courage and endurance. I share this with my community to encourage others to be open and to engage in the often difficult and painful work that we must do if we truly want to come together as a community to grow and heal from the painful past on which our country was built. The long term affects of slavery and racism continue to ravish our country. I hope that we, as members of the Barrington community, can commit to doing the personal work required so that together we can build a better Barrington for all.   

Katherine Quinn

Barrington

2024 by East Bay Media Group

Barrington · Bristol · East Providence · Little Compton · Portsmouth · Tiverton · Warren · Westport
Meet our staff
Jim McGaw

A lifelong Portsmouth resident, Jim graduated from Portsmouth High School in 1982 and earned a journalism degree from the University of Rhode Island in 1986. He's worked two different stints at East Bay Newspapers, for a total of 18 years with the company so far. When not running all over town bringing you the news from Portsmouth, Jim listens to lots and lots and lots of music, watches obscure silent films from the '20s and usually has three books going at once. He also loves to cook crazy New Orleans dishes for his wife of 25 years, Michelle, and their two sons, Jake and Max.