To the editor:

Across Bristol, Warren, Barrington, Portsmouth, Tiverton, and East Providence, many families are living through a quiet struggle that rarely makes the news. Adult children are becoming the primary caregivers for aging parents who can no longer manage daily life on their own. It is happening in homes across the East Bay, often behind closed doors, with little attention or support.

People are living longer, but the decline that comes with age is often more complicated. Dementia is becoming more common. Mobility issues make daily routines difficult. Many older adults still live in homes that were safe decades ago but are now full of hazards. Families are left to navigate doctors’ appointments, medications, rehab centers, insurance issues, and long-term care decisions without a clear system to guide them.

Most of the responsibility falls on one adult child. That person becomes the default driver, medical advocate, social worker, and crisis responder. They handle falls, confusion, missed medications, and late-night phone calls. They juggle this while working, raising children of their own, and trying to keep their own lives intact. It would overwhelm a trained professional, yet ordinary people are expected to manage it alone.

The emotional cost is real. You can love your parent deeply and still feel exhausted or overwhelmed. You can feel guilty for not doing enough and guilty for feeling resentful. Many caregiver children across the East Bay keep this to themselves because it feels like something they’re supposed to handle quietly.

The financial pressure makes everything harder. Assisted living and memory care facilities in Rhode Island often cost far more than families can afford. Medicare does not cover long-term care. Medicaid requires people to spend down almost everything before help becomes available. Middle–income families fall into a painful gap: too much income to qualify for assistance, not enough to cover the real cost of care.

Three changes would make a real difference.

First, assessments and placement decisions need to happen faster when a parent cannot safely live alone. Families should not wait weeks or months as dangerous situations get worse.

Second, caregiver children need support. Accessible counseling, respite programs, and case managers who stay with a family throughout the process would help families who are struggling.

Third, Rhode Island needs a serious conversation about affordability. No family should have to drain savings or take on debt just to keep a parent safe.

Caregiver children across the East Bay are holding their families together. They deserve recognition, support, and a system that reflects the reality they face every day.

Jay Werther
Park City, Utah

Jay Werther is a graduate of Roger Williams University School of Law in Bristol who now lives in Utah. He writes about mental health, digital identity, recovery, bureaucracy, and the fight to stay human inside modern systems.