Feeling overwhelmed? You’re not alone

Mental health experts offer insights and advice for dealing with very stressful times

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Who remembers the animated children’s movie, “Wall-E”?

If you haven’t seen it, or it’s been awhile, look up the scene “Wall-E Humans Falling” on YouTube. It’s only a minute long and is the moment where the spacecraft Axiom begins to tilt dangerously sideways, throwing the mass of unsuspecting human passengers out of their seats. You can see the level of shock on their faces as they uncontrollably slide down the floor of the spacecraft, reaching out for anything and any person in order to help them regain their balance.

That’s how I feel Americans reacted to the COVID-19 (coronavirus) crisis finally reaching the United States. One second, everything was normal. The next, the floor underneath us was dangerously tilting.

It was shocking. It was unnerving. And, for both parents and children alike, it has been difficult to deal with.

From families grappling with the guilt for being unable to visit older loved ones; to parents buckling under the weight of becoming their children’s teacher’s aides while “working” full-time from home, all of us are struggling to cope with something. What Danielle Thibert, LICSW, of Lighthouse Counseling in Portsmouth wants all Rhode Islanders to know is that we are not alone in our mental health struggles – and that our current reality is not our new normal.

A wave of anxiety

For many of us in Rhode Island, our daily routines were seemingly upended overnight midway through March, when Gov. Gina Raimondo began announcing new rules and regulations to combat the spread of the virus. We were asked to distance ourselves socially, to hang out in smaller groups; dining rooms became our children’s new classrooms, kitchen tables our new office desks. Some of us lost our jobs outright; others could no longer go visit older loved ones.

It was during that immediate aftermath that Ms. Thibert saw a “spike” in anxiety among her clients, as fears over the virus and uncertainty over life brought on symptoms like excessive worrying and lack of sleep. The situation has created a challenging circumstance for parents in particular — a population who, in addition to fretting over their finances and job security, have now been tasked with aiding in the homeschooling of their children. 

“I can’t even tell — cannot even describe — to you how overwhelming the process has been for most parents,” Ms. Thibert said.

For Bristol resident Kate, it “has been a chaotic mess” navigating how to work from home alongside her husband and four distance-learning children.

“Everyone is just trying to figure out what they are supposed to be doing, what their schedules are, and managing who can be on a work or school call, video conference, etc., without interrupting everyone else,” she said.

Parents aren’t the only ones struggling; children have begun to worry about the wellbeing of their friends from school, or have started challenging their parents on completing their homework assignments. Ms. Thibert said her own son had reservations about posting a video assignment onto the educational platform Flipgrid, anxious about the other children seeing his face.

“When kids are digging in their heels, it may mean, ‘I don’t know how to do this, I’m afraid I’m going to get it wrong, I am worried,’ ” Ms. Thibert said.

Struggling to cope

While Ms. Thibert saw a jump in anxiety instantly, she expects to see more instances of depression the longer the COVID-19 crisis goes on. As people remain out of work, are barred from visiting older loved ones and are forced to distance themselves socially, symptoms like low energy, lack of interest and feelings of guilt and helplessness may start to come to the forefront.

That has certainly been the case, anyway, for both Anne, a resident of Warren, and her college-age child, both of whom had their plans completely thwarted in the wake of the pandemic. While her student is struggling with being forced away from friends on campus, she is coping with the reality of landing — and then losing — a new contract after already being unemployed for months.

For Providence resident Nancy, the lack of socialization has been particularly challenging to cope with.

“I don’t think I realized before all of this how much I rely on human faces, human presence, human energy to keep life balanced,” she said. “The quiet is excruciatingly quiet, which makes the voices of self-doubt and fear louder.”

The significant amount of forced family time could also lead to rising tensions and domestic violence instances, Ms. Thibert added; one report she saw recently found a higher divorce rate amidst the coronavirus crisis in China. Children may wonder why their parents are becoming so easily frustrated, while couples are not sure where to uncork their bottled stress.

“People have learned coping skills that have worked over the years,” Ms. Thibert said. “If I can’t do that anymore, what does that mean for me?”

Glimmers of hope

Though times may be tough right now, Ms. Thibert said it is important to remember this period is simply a “lull in life” and not the new normal. As overwhelming as our current state may seem, there are still a number of things we can all do to make it a little bit better.

For both parents and kids, Ms. Thibert said it is helpful to maintain a semblance of structure around the day, even if it does vary from what those previous routines were. Schedules should be set, lists should be made, “not to overwhelm, but to keep us on track.” If the days ahead are looking empty and long, Ms. Thibert said now would be a great opportunity to engage in an activity we have always wanted to try, like baking bread or gardening.

“If we can change our mindset about it a little bit, it might help us get through it with less mental anguish,” Ms. Thibert said.

While we may have to distance ourselves physically, Ms. Thibert said that does not mean we cannot still be social. She liked the idea of having virtual parties, or having kids start a pen-pal chain (note: ask teachers to count this as an ELA assignment, Ms. Thibert said, to kill two birds with one stone). Sometimes it can be as simple as going outside and having a conversation with a neighbor from across the yard.

"One delightful side effect of social distancing that I have noticed is that several of my usually aloof neighbors actually waved and made small talk when I was out walking my dogs,” said Sara, who lives in Bristol with her husband, teenage daughter and a college-age son. 

For those struggling with persistent negative thoughts, Ms. Thibert said a change of scenery might be helpful, such as going for a walk or driving to the beach — as long as it is done so safely.

And, as always, reach out — to a trusted friend, loved one or healthcare provider.

“We’re all going to get through it, we’re all in the same place, we’re all struggling on some level, so you’re not alone,” Ms. Thibert said. “No one’s alone in this.”

With reporting from Christy Nadalin

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Jim McGaw

A lifelong Portsmouth resident, Jim graduated from Portsmouth High School in 1982 and earned a journalism degree from the University of Rhode Island in 1986. He's worked two different stints at East Bay Newspapers, for a total of 18 years with the company so far. When not running all over town bringing you the news from Portsmouth, Jim listens to lots and lots and lots of music, watches obscure silent films from the '20s and usually has three books going at once. He also loves to cook crazy New Orleans dishes for his wife of 25 years, Michelle, and their two sons, Jake and Max.