‘Things could have been so much different’

Those impacted by domestic violence grateful for Women’s Resource Center’s support

By Kristen Ray
Posted 4/20/19

PORTSMOUTH — She had fled in the middle of the night, terrified and alone. 

For seven years they had been together, seven years too long. Yet Kerri Bruneau never thought she would be …

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‘Things could have been so much different’

Those impacted by domestic violence grateful for Women’s Resource Center’s support

Posted

PORTSMOUTH — She had fled in the middle of the night, terrified and alone. 

For seven years they had been together, seven years too long. Yet Kerri Bruneau never thought she would be able to leave until the very moment she simply had to, when her husband decided to put his hands around her neck and try to kill her. 

Ms. Bruneau’s tale is just one example of the millions of domestic violence cases that occur in the United States each year. In order to shed light on the impacts it can have on women, men and their families, the Women’s Resource Center (WRC) of Newport and Bristol Counties is hosting its first-ever Butterfly Ball fund-raising event on Saturday, April 27 at 6 p.m. at the Hotel Viking in Newport. 

For over 40 years, the WRC has served as a safe haven for victims of domestic violence along the East Bay, offering locations in both Newport and Warren. By providing individuals with a roof over their head and the programs and services they need to get back onto their feet — from counseling and support groups to court and law enforcement advocates — the center aims to do whatever it can to kickstart the road to recovery. 

Yet, when Ms. Bruneau was driving across state lines during her great escape back to Rhode Island over 20 years ago, she had no idea services like the WRC existed. Instead, she faced many of the challenges that victims face alone: finding a lawyer, navigating the court system, financing her divorce. It was not until a few years ago that the center was really put on her radar.  

“I was like, ‘Oh my God, if I had known about this, things could have been so much different,’” Ms. Bruneau said. 

Nonetheless, with dedicated time and energy, Ms. Bruneau was painstakingly able to rebuild the life that had slowly begun crumbling when she began dating her ex-husband at 18. 

Like so many other stories told before her, though, Ms. Bruneau’s relationship was completely free of any violence to start. It was not until the initial bonds of trust had already been established that the cracks in her seemingly happy relationship began to form. Disagreements between the couple focused on what Ms. Bruneau was doing wrong, what she needed to be doing better; it never seemed to be a two-way street. She made excuses for his bad behavior, second-guessed her own. 

“It chips away at your self-esteem,” she said. 

Not long after, the physical violence emerged, though its frequency and intensity would not pick up until the final two years of the relationship. Still, Ms. Bruneau learned to get creative with the lies she told surrounding her injuries, such as the time, while wedding dress shopping, she dismissed a massive welt on her arm to be a result of her own clumsiness. If anyone approached her with concern, Ms. Bruneau only retreated further into her dysfunctional relationship, told it was only for her own protection. 

New reality

Eventually, Ms. Bruneau grew tired of her husband’s behavior, but she felt defeated, unable to break free without somebody getting harmed in the process. Abuse, she had accepted, was her new reality.

At least it was, until the horrific night he tried to kill her, when Ms. Bruneau’s husband passed out in the process as a result of a drug problem she hadn’t known about.

To this day, even Ms. Bruneau is surprised by the amount of abuse she endured at the tail end of their relationship. Instead of inquiring why she and so many others had stayed for so long, however, she hopes people will soon begin asking a different question — one that throws the blame on the abuser, not the victim. 

“I think the conversation needs to shift, that it needs to start with, ‘Why did he think he could do that to you, why did he think that was OK?’” she said. 

Today, Ms. Bruneau is a member of the WRC’s Board of Directors and will serve as the committee chairwoman for the Butterfly Ball. Though she has since moved past that period in her life, now remarried and living with her family in Portsmouth, she knows that others battling domestic violence have not been so lucky. 

“If we can shine a little bit of light on a center like this and help get people out before that happens, to me it’s all worth it,” she said.

Lasting impacts

Serving as the honorary chairwoman for the inaugural event, Melindah Sharma is just one of the thousands of people the WRC has helped over the years. 

A native of Portsmouth, Ms. Sharma spent three weeks in 1996 as a resident at the center’s transitional housing while pregnant with her first child. Though it may have been brief, her time spent at the shelter proved to be transformative, allowing Ms. Sharma — now married and a mother of three — to regroup and find her way.  

“Between my father, the community and the shelter and staff at the Women’s Resource Center back in 1996, I really think it gave me a jumping board,” she said. 

From providing assistance on how to secure health insurance and welfare to the steps needed to acquire food stamps, the WRC had all the tools she needed ready at her disposal. 

Meeting people like Executive Director Lori DiPersio was influential as well, and Ms. Sharma remains regularly in contact with her today. Though today she lives over four hours away in New Jersey, Ms. Sharma considers Rhode Island — the place she grew up, where her mother left her legacy — as home, and has continued to champion the WRC and the positive work it’s doing.

“It’s my way of giving back to the Island,” she said.

An inaugural event

Named after the symbolic journey survivors go through on their way back to themselves, the first-ever Butterfly Ball will be a night focused on hope and healing from domestic abuse. 

“We just thought it was a beautiful representation of what we do at the center, helping women get back on their feet and break free from their abuse,” said Ms. Bruneau. 

A black-tie-encouraged event, the gala will feature a night full of dinner, drinks, dancing and music. Both Ms. Bruneau and Ms. Sharma will speak, while guest Venson Jordan will perform poetry. A live and silent auction will be held, with proceeds benefiting the WRC. 

Tickets for the Butterfly Ball are still available. For more information, visit www.wrcnbc.org

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